Monday, April 23, 2012

I Don’t Know

I don’t know why things happen the way they do.  It seems our family is having a hard time catching a break.  I really don’t want this to sound like a poor me post.  But life is happening whether I like it or not, so I want to write about it.

January 31, 2012 my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  He had been feeling bad for a few weeks and had had several tests done.  The symptoms were all too familiar since my Grandpa McDonald (his dad) died from this same disease in 2007.  Just five years ago.  I just tried to push that out of my head since the doctors weren’t really going “there”, I wasn’t going to either.  But, that is what it is.  As you can imagine, it has been a whirlwind ever since.  Lots of hurry up and then lots of waiting.  It can be so frustrating.  My mom keeps reminding everyone that he is not the only one.  There are lots and lots of people dealing with this and worse.  But, it’s hard to not get frustrated that things don’t move quicker.  That people can’t give you more answers.

I feel lucky that he is being offered treatment.  My grandpa wasn’t.  Even in just the last five years treatments have changed so much.  He is supposed to have four chemo treatments then another scan to see if they can operate on the tumor.  If not, who knows? They have mentioned more chemo, but I really don’t think they know until they do another scan.  He has had three treatments so far.  One was a week late because his kidneys weren’t handling the drugs well.  These are like five or six hour treatments every two weeks at the OU Cancer Center and then he comes home with a pump for two days.  So, it takes it’s toll.  I am so thankful that he is trying the treatment.  I have several friends who have loved ones that refused treatment.  I know I am not in their shoes, but that is heartbreaking.  I am glad that dad is working with his doctors to come up with the best plan they have.

Most days I still feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.  Anyone that has gone through this knows what I mean.  Every day my emotions are from one end to the other.  I can only imagine how he and my mom feel. 

What I don’t know is what is going to happen.  I don’t like the unknown.  I don’t like not being in control.  I don’t like being just far enough away that I can’t be there enough. 

What I know is that this is not about me.  All I can do is press on.  Keep praying.  Trust that God is good.  He knows us and knows how things are going to work out for good.  I have faith that His good is good. 

Prayers for healing would be very appreciated! 


Thursday, April 12, 2012

Change of Plans

It shouldn’t surprise you that I’m changing my mind!  While I hate skipping a years worth of “stuff”, I also hate not blogging about “stuff” right now.  It’s hard to remember the feelings and funny things a year later!  So, I think I am going to pick up life right here.  I will do some random flashback posts about 2011 for my peace of mind.  Can you see why I can’t scrapbook?  I can’t stand to be out of order or behind.  My life is like that, so why would I would want a scrapbook like that?!    This blog really is for me to have a keepsake of our ramblings, so right now this just makes more sense. 

So, where to go from here?  Yesterday was the last day for the three youngest at their homeschool group.  We started in August with Classical Conversations.  I had looked into it a year ago and they were full.  God must have planned this for us because when everything died down after my Grandma died, I called the director.  She had just had a family move so she had openings for all of my kids for 2011-2012.  Woohoo!  It has been a blessing, and maybe a little bit of a curse!  The first few months were a challenge to keep with it all.  As the name suggests, it is a Classical model program, which is my favorite way to school.  The challenge was that this was the first time we had assignments due every week that were graded by someone other than mama.  Can you say challenge?!  Not that we haven’t worked all these years, but mama is not as strict as this.  Plus we had to be out the door at 8:00 every Monday morning, dressed, lunches, work done.  I know most of you are laughing right now, but this is not something we normally do.  By choice mind you, and I like it that way.  But, I knew, at least for Kellen, we needed to step it up a notch.  I will write more about Kellen’s class later, he is not done yet.  The other three have gone to class from 9:00 to 12:00 to classes that mama doesn’t have to teach (yay!), then Garrett has gone to an afternoon writing class from 1:00 to 3:00.  They go to their classes, learn, get their assignments and then we come home and do the work the work the rest of the week.  This is the quick version!  Since yesterday was the last day, I’m not in the mood to go into details! 


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Here they are on the first day last August.  Look, backpacks and everything!  Kellen, 8th grade.  Garrett, 6th grade.  Gannon, 2nd grade.  Callie, preschool. :)

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Callie yesterday at the end of the year carnival.  Yes, she has managed to position herself next to the cupcake/brownie table!  She has had a great year with the sweetest teacher.  She was the youngest in the class.  She had the option of going in a nursery class every Monday morning, but I knew that wouldn’t fly, so I put her in an “official” class.  She really needed to be in a class where she had to sit down and do something.  Not random playing kitchen every Monday for four hours!  Except that she probably would have had all those little ones whipped into shape by now!  I am amazed at what she has learned.  Just ask her about the Declaration of Independence, or any fact from American History.  She knows more than I do!  (Really!)

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Gannon playing some kind of game.  I actually wasn’t there, yesterday was my lucky day to have nursery duty.  (Yes, I am being sarcastic!)  (I love the little guys, I’m friends with their moms, but…I’m sort of out of the little people stage!)  Gannon has had a great year.  I wasn’t sure how he would do.  He is the shyest of my four kids and would be fine staying home every day for the rest of his life!  But, God was looking out for him and he ended up having one of my best friends from church as a teacher.  Not only is she a great teacher, she knows him.  He is so smart, really.  He didn’t have a problem with the work at all.  He didn’t love giving a presentation every Monday, but he got used to it and did a good job.  See his cute little toothless mouth above?  He still has the prettiest smile, even without teeth!

CC Foundations Essentials last day 2012

Here is Garrett with some of his classmates.  Some kind of stretch the gummy worm game!  Garrett, Garrett.  He has also had a good year.  He is not my most studious.  I can write this because he would say the same thing.  He did well, he really did.  He surprised me sometimes because you really think he isn’t paying attention, but he is and he gets it.  But, he is everyone’s friend, and that makes me happy.  Maybe a little bit of class clown :/.  His teacher loved him and he enjoyed her, so it was a good fit.  He, of course, loved recess the most.  They played football every week.  We were blessed with excellent weather almost every Monday this year so they didn’t have to be inside.  He met some great boys to be friends with.  I am most thankful for that!

Anyway, this is dragging on.  I should probably devote several posts to Classical Conversations and our school year.  In summary, we had a great school year.  It’s almost over, we have some things to finish at home and Kellen to get finished, but it’s been good.  We’ve gotten more done this year than in many years.  I think not moving or having a baby makes it a little easier to stay on task!  Who’s ready for summer?  I know I am!!